How to Win Friends and Influence People

For more than sixty years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.

Now this previously revised and updated bestseller is available in trade paperback for the first time to help you achieve your maximum potential throughout the next century! Learn:

* Three fundamental techniques in handling people
* The six ways to make people like you
* The twelve ways to win people to you way of thinking
* The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment
Quotes & thoughts while reading:

As happens from time to time, I have the kindle copy of this book, thus location numbers will be referenced. Apologies for the inconvenience.

"Bernard Shaw once remarked: 'If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.'... Learning is an active process. We learn by doing... Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind." (loc 214) The bell begins to ring for the things that are true in this book.

Something I want to look more into is what happened in the 1908 Presidential election, when Teddy Roosevelt "denounced Taft(of his own party) for his conservatism, tried to secure the nomination for a third term himself, formed the Bull Moose part, and all but demolished the G.O.P."(loc 313) What a crazy story, I really had no idea that Teddy went so far to do that, or even that he ran for a third term.

Carnegie talks at length about Lincoln, a president so far removed temporally that I hardly think of him. But, from this realization, I would like to read either Carnegie's book on Lincoln, or possibly an autobiography/biography. Lincoln comes up time and time again as a leader who knew when to heap more responsibility on someone, how to broach the topic first so you had the upper-hand, and when/when not to give criticism. It's stated that Lincoln had drawers full of letters he never sent, as he used them to blow off steam, but knew they would be damaging to be sent out.

'A great man shows his greatness,' said Carlyle, 'by the way he treats little men.' (loc 421)

'There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.' (loc 570) All I can think about is Ian in this scenario, and how he would talk of "strengths based" reasonings, and the sort. And really, it does make sense, but why, as a society do we always do the opposite. What evil creature inside us loves to criticize and condemn people.

Emerson said: 'Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.' (loc 661) ,

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:

* Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
* Give honest and sincere appreciation.
* Arouse in the other person an eager want.

"What was I trying to get out of him!!!
If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can't radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return - if our souls are no bigger than sour crap apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve.
Oh yes, I did want something out of that chap. I wanted something priceless. And I got it. I got the feeling that I had done something for him without his being able to anything whatever in return for me. That is a feeling that flows and sings in your memory long after the incident is past." (loc 1592) Alright alright alright, I like Dale Carnegie. This, right here, makes me so happy. That the much lauded, and acclaimed book, that tens of thousands of people have read, has something as genuine as this in it.

The standouts on Ways to Make People Like You:

* Become genuinely interested in other people.
* Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
* Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
There are others, but these were the ones that I thought needed mentioning. I don't like to praise the idea of smiling, because I don't love the idea of putting on a mask, it doesn't seem sincere. And yes, peoples names are important, but I don't want to fluff the sails of narcissists.

Here are some suggestions from Dale’s book that come from an article in “Bits and Pieces” about how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:

* Welcome the disagreement
* Distrust your first instinctive impression
* Control your temper
* Listen first
* Look for areas of agreement
* Be honest
* Promise to think over the opponents’ ideas and study them carefully
* Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest
* Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem
(loc 1838)

Benjamin Franklin "forbade [himself] the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix'd opinion, such as "certainly," "undoubtedly," etc., and [he] adopted, instead of them, "I conceive," "I apprehend," of "I imagine" a thing to be so or so, or "it so appears to me at present."... The modest way in which [he] propos'd my opinions procur'd them a readier reception and less contradiction; [he] had less mortification when [he] was found to be wrong, and [he] more easily prevail'd with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right" (loc 1973) Whew! Boy, there's a lot there to take in.

Again we get a quote from Lincoln: 'It is an old and true maxim that 'a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.' So with men, if you could win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his reason.' (loc 2193)

Oh KHSU a while back, I heard a story read aloud, a children's story. It was about a quarrel between the sun and the wind. And who was stronger. I love this story, as the wind and sun bet who can get a man to take his coat off, the wind begins to gust and blow, but the man only tightens his coat. After the wind has given it his all, the sun comes out, and she shines down on the man, radiating heat, until the man begins to sweat, and he takes off his coat. The allegory here, is that gentleness and friendliness are always stronger than fury and force. I don't know if I necessarily believe that that conclusion presents itself clearly from this story, but I do like the imagery it provokes.

In a Nutshell Win People to Your Way of Thinking:

* Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong' - it just causes them to shut down
* If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
* Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately.
* Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
* Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
* Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
* Appeal to the nobler motives.

There were a couple more, but I think these ones are those that resonated with me. It is also suggested to dramatize your ideas, and to thrown down a challenge, but man I hate it when people try to do this shit with me, it just causes me to step back and question why. Also, I don't like the point to begin in a friendly way, it should say something about it being genuine friendliness. Other than that, these are all great ideas on how to be with people.

The great "But vs. And", man I can't believe this popped up in my life twice within the same week. See an example (loc 2997) of but vs and:

It's just such a different way to phrase things, and I love it. There are a plethora of other examples, if you get a chance look them up!

Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote: 'I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.' (loc 3181)

Be a Leader:

* Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
* Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
* Let the other person save face.
* Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.'
* Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
* Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

All in all, I'm pleasantly surprised about this book. I do think there are some shortcomings, but really, all Dale Carnegie is trying to get you to do is be a good person. Who genuinely cares about the people they are dealing with, and not to be a fake or phony, because people can tell when you are being a fake or a phony. Thanks Carissa, I never would have read it without your mentioning it.